Emily Malsin Loeb

Emily Malsin Loeb of Berkeley, California, passed away peacefully on October 30 in hospice care at her daughter's home. She died from pulmonary complications following a fall at home.

Emily is survived by her husband, Dan, her three children, Lisa (Aaron), Jenny, and Sam (Jessica), and her treasured grandchildren, Ben and Alex. She is also survived by her beloved sister Nancy, niece Thea (Ramin), nephew Ivan (Mojdeh), and a wide circle of loving family and friends.

Born to Margery and Theodore Malsin on October 25, 1940, in New York City, Emily grew up on Sleepy Hollow Road in Briarcliff Manor, New York, with her sister Nancy and her brother Donald (d. 1958). She graduated with a degree in English from Swarthmore College, where she found her first intellectual home and formed relationships that lasted throughout her life.

Emily went on to study psychology at Columbia University. While working on her PhD, she met and married a Columbia law student, Peter Sitkin (d. 2017). They moved to California in 1966 to work as VISTA volunteers in San Jose. After their service, they settled in Berkeley, where they raised their two daughters, Lisa (b. 1967) and Jennifer (b. 1970). Though Emily and Peter later divorced, they remained dedicated co-parents until Peter's passing.

In 1977, Emily married Dan Loeb, an attorney and financial planner she met through mutual friends. Their son, Sam, was born in 1978. Emily loved being a mother. She and Dan enjoyed spending time with their kids, hosting friends and family, eating out, attending plays and musical performances, and traveling in the U.S. and abroad. The family made regular trips to Ashland to attend the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, and, after the kids were grown, spent a week together at Stinson Beach each summer. In recent years, Emily took great pleasure looking through the photo albums she put together after trips to Egypt, the U.S.S.R, Turkey, South Africa, Vietnam, New England, and the garden at Sissinghurst Castle, among many other places.

After receiving her PhD, Emily went into private practice as a psychotherapist. In addition to seeing individual patients and couples for over 55 years, Emily taught clinical psychology at JFK University, the Wright Institute and the Psychotherapy Institute, and supervised dozens of trainee therapists. She published articles about clinical practice informed by challenges she encountered in her own work, exploring topics such as the tension for therapists between restraint and expressiveness, and the ways that aging affects the psychotherapeutic relationship. One student described her classes as "intellectually stimulating" but also "emotionally honest and penetrating."

Emily served for many years on the Board of the Psychotherapy Institute (TPI) and was instrumental in helping the organization purchase its headquarters on Carleton Street in Berkeley. In 1998, she was honored with an award recognizing her longstanding contributions to TPI. She was also a dedicated supporter of WestCoast Children's Clinic from its founding in 1985. In her many roles on the Board at WestCoast over more than a decade, she always centered the clients and the quality of mental health services above everything else.

The importance of family to Emily was evident in her daily life. She was fortunate to have her two daughters and her sweet grandchildren living within walking distance, ensuring that she was a central presence in their lives. The door to her home was always open for visits from her son, Sam, and her sister, Nancy, and she often showed up unannounced at one of her daughter's houses to drop off a book, have a conversation, or just put her feet up.

Emily possessed an extraordinary gift for friendship, cultivating bonds that spanned decades. Her wide circle included companions dating back to her early days in Briarcliff Manor, classmates from Swarthmore, members of her book groups, and colleagues who became dear friends. She had a profound ability to connect with people on both an intellectual and emotional level. Above all, Emily treasured authentic conversation, engaging wholeheartedly whether she was talking with a family member, a close companion, her grandchildren's friends, or one of the nurses who cared so skillfully for her in the hospital after her fall.

Emily was an avid reader. Some of her favorite authors were Grace Paley, Ann Lindbergh, Wallace Stevens, and Claire Keegan. She participated actively in several book groups, regularly shopped at local bookstores, and once planned a trip to New York especially to attend a reading of T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland" at the 92nd Street Y. She kept journals, wrote personal essays, and posted favorite quotations and poems among family photos around her study.

Emily loved beautiful gardens and interesting plants, especially the succulents in her sun room and yard, and she kept an extensive collection of leaves picked up on walks around the neighborhood that she arranged and framed as gifts. She enjoyed music and theater and good food, and she also relished the occasional powdered mini-donut or can of coca cola. She kept up with the news even when it caused her distress, and she was not shy about sharing her opinions. More than anything, though, she devoted herself to staying closely connected to the wide array of people she held dear.

A memorial for Emily will be held on Sunday, December 14, at 11:00 a.m. at the Berkeley City Club at 2315 Durant Street in Berkeley. In lieu of flowers, please consider making a donation in Emily's honor to WestCoast Children's Clinic or the Alameda County Community Food Bank.

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